Because He changed .. (continues)

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“How can someone survive losing the one they love”?, she read a comment out of many others on a recently updated post on Instagram. Something about the question startled her deep down to the core of her heart. One of the many love-struck nights she had spent with him, he pleaded, almost with a childlike innocence, “don’t leave me, don’t let me go”, she was surprised, pleasantly though because it was not something unusual, however, his expression in moments like these was always frightening. How could she leave him? – She wasn’t someone who would accept a man’s love just for leaving him in the way, she wasn’t someone who would let a man explore her soul, find peace with his insecurities, give up on her own idea about world to believe in the one he holds and then abandon him for something else. She repeatedly expressed herself, therefore, every time he dwindled into his doubt about her commitment, it alarmed her as if that was in fact representation of his own weakness, his own feeble strength, his love for her. She held on, she held him with a lady’s grip, strong and warm.

During the nights he would run fingers through her hair, intertwined into arms of each other, he whispered love into her soul, each successive day he took her identity away from herself and replaced it with his own. She felt like liquid which is poured in a mould, only guided to turn into unacquainted shapes, powerless and uninhibited.  He lit a fire in her heart; it wasn’t just the fire of love, but also of fear and of passion. She could feel his love in her veins; he was not like other men. He was hers, and she would do anything to secure him, but she never had to, because there was no one to secure her when he changed.

She had heard of men turning into stoneheart. At the center of it now, she was the heart, and he was a stone. She was officially left to face three challenges, the first was her battle with the world, a world where she had to live upto the expectations, while she was repeatedly failing to prove to the gender role the world expected of a lady. Secondly, she had to fight her own self, her own heart, her own love for him, her loss of self identity, self love and now when suddenly left desserted, she had to fight the desire to hold onto him. Thidly, she had to fight him.

 

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Because HE changed

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He came in my life, in a moment of sheer coincidence, but maybe that’s how love comes to everyone? I still wonder it could be anyone else in my place and he would have treated her the same way, if destiny hadn’t chosen him for me. It didn’t take much time before he could speak the language of his heart to me, something I understood instantly, like flying comes natural to birds or like honey comes natural to a bee or breathing air comes natural to a baby post-birth. I felt special in his presence, in his description of me, i wasn’t like anyone else, for which i was to be his, “forever”. His feelings were expressive, like antics of an extrovert.

I was a woman of my principles, commitment, promises and security, something a lady’s preferred needs were mine too. He was hesitant to promise me his lifetime but he gave it in to hold my hand “forever” because I carried his heart in my chest and he carried mine. I was taken aback, love-struck, head over heels, he was all I ever wanted to have. Deeper into the darkest corners of my heart, there was a sea-storm of fears, waves carrying question marks were flowing towards seashore of my heart’s periphery, eroding it slowly, leading me to the impending evil.

It was a love that passionate, that maddening, the one poets and philosophers suggest deserve sacrifices, infinity and beyond. He became my home. My safest hideout place, my warmest sanctuary where I found peace after a day-long stress. His frequent fear of separation, strong sense of ownership, his insecurities drew me farther into the depth of his love, i wanted to protect him, save him, nurture him,i knew it was the path few travel, where exit doors are non existent, where only lovers who are willing to stroll fearless are allowed to enter. He knew the extent of my love, our love, and it was all that kept me going, the belief that we are inseparable.

His love for me was my most treasured asset. He changed me into someone he wanted me to become, and then he changed himself into someone I never knew, someone I couldn’t recognize. He built a world with me, for us to live there “forever”, and abandoned me there for the world he preferred for himself. He changed.