Her mysterious self

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It may have been rough
like traveling through trenches mines & firing guns
warring foes and enemy tons
stormy in her mind and thunderstorms in her lungs
She stood staring at the horizons
streaks of gold flickering over the sky
It was everyday, but something yet anew
Oh, my beloved do not be aggrieved, say the storms adieu
For the world standstill and awaits none but you

Through doors closed and windows ajar
she could smell the fragrance of love
Holding her brazen self strong, wearing in her sleeves, her heart
World was at her feet, and life pumping through her veins
She felt like a king, a knight, her version of victorious Tsar
Years had passed by, so much was left behind
Indeed she was a time traveler, mystery of her time, like few
Running endless errands for love
For the world standstill and awaits none but you

There are stories in the world, and stories indeed we be
stand by the right, right may not it be
You have the soul and there shall you know the truth
By the stories you will write, you will know, what shall you
For the world standstill and awaits none but you

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A journey to soul

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As the conversation carried on…

It’s easier saying than done, she replied.

They tell you moving on is easy, but moving on is actually one of the most difficult things to do. Getting over someone is a constant state of missing someone to wishing they didn’t exist, to loving them to hating them, to wanting them to never talk to you again to hoping and wishing they’d send you a text. It slowly gets easier as the distance between you two gets greater, but I don’t know if you can truly get over someone you once cared about. They will always have a part of your heart and be a part of who you were and who you are, but I promise one day you’ll realize you deserved to be loved not considered, you deserved to be fought for not given up on, you will see that person was a lesson not a rule.

Remember my friend, I patiently said:

The good that you do will come back to you. Likewise, the wrong things you’ve done in life will have its consequences too. Pain doesn’t go easy. It hurts. But then, you turn to Allah and slowly if not suddenly you start feeling better. So much better. He open doors for you, give you new dreams, take care of you more than anything. You actually start feeling His love that you always heard of; the love of more than seventy mothers.
Then, you have to rely on Allah swt. Trust Him with everything. You have to let go of your past. More importantly, you do not have to repeat the past. Everyone make mistakes. It’s more about how you deal with those mistakes. There are always two ways: To be stagnant and to have courage to accept mistakes, make yourself right and move on. Easier said than done, I know. But you need to force this attitude on yourself to be happy, to grow. Being stuck somewhere in the past is the least attractive thing. Don’t chase the same pattern and do not start disobeying Allah all over again.
This time will pass, even the pain will go; but if you choose to be stagnant, you will regret more than anything. Hurdles come, you will get tired too; of course it all takes time, you can also stop for a while but then get up again and move. Do not make your home in those hurdles -Islam4all

Cry to Allah, make du’a to Him and He will pour patience upon you in ways and in situations that you will be shocked by yourself.

“Go easy on yourself, for the outcome of all affairs is determined by God’s decree. If something is meant to go elsewhere, it will never come your way, but if it’s yours from destiny, from you it can not flee.” – Umar ibn al-Khattab

Have faith. Take a road that leads you to your soul. your true self, free of desires, lust and material cravings. That is where peace lies.

I Am a Woman

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Long ago, in a far away land
Where beauty was abundant and life was eternal
Love was immense, where sorrows were none
I was told of a land
A place where humans rant
Where songs are sung and unity is grand
And life is not only about clouds and spacious sands
It is glorious, with adorable infants and inspirational chants
I traveled a long distance in pursue of my dream
To reach love and beauty of humans unseen
For I was a rain droplet ready to set assail
At my arrival I saw a girl with forlorn face
Alone, looking in an empty space
She was tired and disgusted in a manner untamed
She had nowhere to go, but a long abandoned road
People with busy days, indifferent and in glee
There were many among them, crying to have some love for free
It was a sight full of misery
I was colorless but I could feel myself bleed
I was shattered and despaired
I was no more in world I have long dreamed to see

to my surprise, the girl stood up optimistic and erect, consoled me and said

O, dear droplet
Welcome to my land, I may have been a girl to you
But you see I am in fact a woman made of sand
Dwindling through the dark hours
running tireless errands
I slip through the fingers of tragedy and setbacks
Yet I will take you to the world where only I can give a hand with my super magic wand
I am often subjected to suffer, Ah still I flaunt my success grand

I have power of a mystic, but I prefer not to show
I put smile on my face and among adversity I care to glow
I am a woman Indeed, for I have survived through ages

To My Beloved Teacher

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You have taught me

You have taught me that love is not going to be unconditional as I believed

That not everyone has the courage to give up their world, their comfort zone for love

That men are going to be men

They will make you see the sun where you once saw the stars

yet they will leave you doubting the mere existence of the two

You have taught me that words are not going to be all

They never are!

Believing in words that assure bounties of love is like believing in unicorns

You have taught me that I have to look out for myself & must  not wait for someone else to look out for me

You have taught me that even the greatest of love words will collapse when are needed to be proven

You have taught me that love is not going to last

That love of a man is nothing more than a timely infatuation like a child’s fondness with taste of a candy

You have taught me that I must adapt to the world, the world where necessity matters more than love

Where expectations are not fulfilled and promises are not kept

Thank you my beloved! for you have taught me indeed

Unrequited

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It kills me to see that I’m not part of your plans
Sitting beside an open book, I hear your favorite music in my ears
For I am clueless, five years from now, where will I stand
I wonder if i will ever leave our dreams, our world behind
Or become like a controversial piece of art, the government has banned
your love lingers in my blood, and my life still rest in palm of your hands
Thus, save thyself from me
because, I cannot save myself from thee

My heart jumps to my throat
The last bit of my energy fizzle out from my mass
I wake up middle of the night, I jump cliffs in my wildest dreams
You held me in your arms, and pulled me away like a speck of dust
I see you smiling far away, and running closer as a thunderbolt
I fake smiles, I feel like crying to the top of my lungs
I cuddle you like I did, I still hide you in my darkest nooks
Thus I say, save thyself from me
Because I cannot save myself from thee

Darkness has overtaken my light
I am drowning by the minutes
I lie awake in my stagnant being
Like Lifeless dead spirits
My past has oversaken me
My present portrays gloom
I still hold my hand in yours
My future, my world is where you i only want
Thus, save thyself from me
Because, I cannot save myself from thee

Identity Crisis

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And then he left, leaving behind a haze filled with bewilderment. She was still in a trance, in a state of denial, it was like to have lived in your mother’s womb for about nine months, away from an undiscovered world full of misery, betrayal, lies and disillusion. When pulled out of his little world in amniotic sac, it takes a while for a child to breathe into the new world, to finally distinguish temporary from permanent, lie from reality and darkness from the light. It was what she felt, the agony of having exposed to the world she was skeptical existed.

But how come someone turn his back on tall claims of love, life and togetherness and change them altogether into abandonment? Who was she? Someone special like he made her believe or someone he has left her as [someone unworthy to fight for]? – It was a plain state of identity crisis.

What is love then if not giving up on your comfort zone? and accepting the challenges on your way towards the acquisition of ones object of desire? What is love then if not desiring someone to the point of no return? What is love then if not falling sick and handing away the ventilator into the authority of one person? What is love then if not declaring war against the transgressors of your heart’s desires?

She sometimes wonders, when few years down the line, during long winter nights, he would be sitting beside the fireplace with his family and children, maybe then while he would be narrating an incident to his family, she would cross his mind. If only for a moment, she will consume his mind. Will he shrug her off considering her a long-gone mistake, a youthful mistake unworthy of a mention?

She thought to herself, had Jinnah not stood up for the interests of Muslims in subcontinent, and had not worked tirelessly to achieve a dream called “impossible”, Pakistan have not been made.

She would finally know, it was not him. It was her. someone unworthy to fight for.

In War

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Do you know how it feels?
when humanity falls apart
and guns aim at your feet
when there’s long way ahead
but you’re deserted in friendless vast land
When air is fumed with smoking fires
And screams engross your family ranks
when you only wish you could help your mate
but you know there is enemy at the gates

Do you know how it hurts?
When bloodthirsty animals devour at your meat
tears and cries is all you can read
when night has fallen and day never seem to arrive
and you seek your mother’s caress
but all you feel are piercing knives
when world is counting your deaths
but does less than it requires
Alas, when even wars are commercialized

Do you know how to survive?
when hidden behind the mounting tanks
you find monsters attacking from evil lands
A child whispers to another
With a gust of such fear
that his little heart sink to his pants
Approached by a fiery gang
With a hollow chest of a beastly vamp
starring them with empty eyes
when a child stands up before his friends
and bravely shouts, take me!
unlike you, i give my life like a revered man

Lights will guide you home

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There was a lighthouse across the seashore! – just as she was at verge of losing all her hopes, it was glimpse of that radiating upright lighthouse bringing her back to senses. “How many times have I lost hope before?”, she thought to herself. As far as she could remember, this was the second time in her lifetime when she found herself parched; feeling abandoned in the middle of a desert, helpless and convinced that it is time to scribble down her will. First time being her break-up with the man of her dreams, who was to remain in dreams alone, something that she could only understand after she found out about his apparently secretive love-life with a girl from a small town, from where he migrated to her city. “What better could life be without him?”, she mumbled standing on the roof top of the old city building. “I can live without anyone, without him”, she boastfully declared while she knew that she is making another fragile attempt to convince herself out of the helplessness. Each day, and night, she was struggling to pull herself up, it seemed like a cursed darkened whirlpool she was drowning inside each day. She worked at an advertising agency, as adviser and manager of social media agent, since the last five months, not only had she become irresponsible towards her career goals, but also complaints against her projects were flowing in from her most loyal clients. It was a sharp pain, an agony of losing not only her heart but her soul to someone who felt plain nothingness for her in return. Only that day, if her friend hadn’t rescued her in a state of complete frenzy, in her standing-abandoned-in-the-middle-of-a-desert moment, it would truly be her time to jot down her last wish.

It took her months to hold herself back together, she traveled with her best friend and her extended group of friends who were going to complete a photography assignment while working for a magazine. Together they galloped through mountains, plains, greens and rusty lands, they spotting animals, chirpy colorful birds, while all through this journey she couldn’t stop pondering over the mysteries of nature. “Has life really finished for me?”. “Does life really changes by the existence of a being?” “Is it just human mind that finds peace in denial?”-  Birds still fly, mountains still stand erect, water hasn’t stop flowing through the river currents, while she stood open armed at the edge of the cliff, wind caressed her hair softly whispering into her ears, I haven’t stopped either, why have you? It was during her expedition to rediscover herself when she ran into a piece of writing in her friend’s hand bag, a poem from Emily Bronte,  it felt like a divine message, that touched her connecting the broken pieces together, telling her – This is it! Write!, you shall write.

Shall Earth no more inspire thee,

Thou lonely dreamer now?

Since passion may not fire thee

Shall Nature cease to bow?

Thy mind is ever moving

In regions dark to thee;

Recall its useless roving

Come back and dwell with me

I’ve watched thee every hour

I know my mighty sway

I know my magic power

To drive thy griefs away

Then let my winds caress thee

Thy comrade let me be

Since naught beside can bless thee

Return and dwell with me

– Emily Brontë

First time she moved her pen, it felt heavy, words felt echoing from far away, not a writer’s block, but it was starter’s block.  She held her pen closer to her face and said, “Maybe I am hopeless after all”. She lost hope, yes hope! – and this was the second time. Though reluctantly, but she remembered there was in fact a moment of utter disgrace when she flunked her mathematics quiz as a student of grade five, without wasting more than a moment of silence on the “catastrophe” as it was called by her family, she was labeled the queen of hopelessness, whereas, on the other hand she was only plain blank emotionally, or indifferent to the situation for that matter, thus it could not be termed as another of loss of hope event in her life.

Shrugging off the memory flashback, she stood up on her feet, briskly and then uncontrollably escalating the pace of her speed ran towards the lighthouse, which was radiating blue light, or was it green?, she couldn’t quite comprehend the true color. She was alone on a creepy Island, without a hope of getting rescued by a savior; this light house could be her way back home. “I must get there”, she said breathlessly, standing about furlong away from the mysterious lighthouse. Getting closer to it, relatively slower than before, she kept her eyes focused on the strange lights. She was amazed, a wave of fright ran up her spine, it wasn’t just a ray of light; she could clearly see glittery stars floating in the light rays.

Trying hard to absorb this unbelievable sight in front of her, she moved ahead, in an attempt to get hold of the apparently magical starry light. While she reached just there, raising her hand in order to grab a star, she felt nothing, her fingers did not feel anything except thin air while they passed across the light rays, it was plain light rays with starry images. “Where is the source?”, she thought, confused. “Where is it coming from?”, she thought inquisitively. Following the light rays, she moved ahead, climbing the staircase, reaching top of the building, she found nothing of what she expected, no electric bulbs, or tube lights, there was something unbelievable lying on a wooden plank, with her jaw-dropped bewilderment she approached near, and observed the blue colored glass bottle radiating blue magical light. She touched, smelled, rubbed {In case a genie might appear} the bottle but nothing. “Wait a second!”, there’s a paper note in there, she noticed. Turning the bottle upside down she managed to get it out of the bottle. Rolled like a kingly revelation, she opened it and found what she just lost: Hope. In big, capitalized letters, the paper note read HOPE.

Yawning and stretching, she woke up to purring of her cat, who was struggling to climb up her lady’s lap. It was 4:00 am in the morning and she dozed off about 2 hours ago, trying to scribble down her first story, with all hope lost. Now she found her story, she knew what needs to be written. It was hope she will write about hope, to never give up hope because no matter where you find yourself standing, lights will guide you home.