Survival

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The process of becoming unimportant to someone after having lived in their heart is most difficult. How do you accept the notion that they have become comfortable with their life without you? How do you become comfortable with them travelling from north pole of loving you to dusting away their hands, calling you a big shot mistake of their life and moving all the way to south pole for asking you to forgive them? How do you tell them that this is funnier than any joke would ever be to you? How do you translate to them that they do not make any sense with their inhumanity and barbarism while all this time you stood on the pedestal of being oh-so-perfect for them? How do you simply survive losing the love of your life?

How do you respond when they stop answering your phone calls and ignore your texts or block you? How do you shift your heart which oozes affection for them to produce hate? How do you adjust to fill the sudden vacuum in place of love and companionship? How do you realize that someone who once assured you of their existence as that of oxygen in your life has become a stranger? How do you simply survive after losing the love of your life? —————————————————–

No one in this world can soothe your pain when someone leaves you after becoming your world and vice versa. After promising you their love, life and eternity, i think it is the most unfair thing someone can to you. They leave you thinking that everything heals with time but the irony remains, if you have loved someone with all your heart and soul, you never become the same person you use to be before them. It is the most excruciating pain in the world. May you never wish it upon anyone.

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But she did not know any other form of love. She did not believe there could be love in the universe, or law of the nature itself allow such a love that harbour conditions, inhibitions, or constraints. Love like that would be paradoxical, dystopia, contaminated therefore it does not qualify to be termed as love.

 

Because He changed .. (continues)

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“How can someone survive losing the one they love”?, she read a comment out of many others on a recently updated post on Instagram. Something about the question startled her deep down to the core of her heart. One of the many love-struck nights she had spent with him, he pleaded, almost with a childlike innocence, “don’t leave me, don’t let me go”, she was surprised, pleasantly though because it was not something unusual, however, his expression in moments like these was always frightening. How could she leave him? – She wasn’t someone who would accept a man’s love just for leaving him in the way, she wasn’t someone who would let a man explore her soul, find peace with his insecurities, give up on her own idea about world to believe in the one he holds and then abandon him for something else. She repeatedly expressed herself, therefore, every time he dwindled into his doubt about her commitment, it alarmed her as if that was in fact representation of his own weakness, his own feeble strength, his love for her. She held on, she held him with a lady’s grip, strong and warm.

During the nights he would run fingers through her hair, intertwined into arms of each other, he whispered love into her soul, each successive day he took her identity away from herself and replaced it with his own. She felt like liquid which is poured in a mould, only guided to turn into unacquainted shapes, powerless and uninhibited.  He lit a fire in her heart; it wasn’t just the fire of love, but also of fear and of passion. She could feel his love in her veins; he was not like other men. He was hers, and she would do anything to secure him, but she never had to, because there was no one to secure her when he changed.

She had heard of men turning into stoneheart. At the center of it now, she was the heart, and he was a stone. She was officially left to face three challenges, the first was her battle with the world, a world where she had to live upto the expectations, while she was repeatedly failing to prove to the gender role the world expected of a lady. Secondly, she had to fight her own self, her own heart, her own love for him, her loss of self identity, self love and now when suddenly left desserted, she had to fight the desire to hold onto him. Thidly, she had to fight him.

 

Because HE changed

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He came in my life, in a moment of sheer coincidence, but maybe that’s how love comes to everyone? I still wonder it could be anyone else in my place and he would have treated her the same way, if destiny hadn’t chosen him for me. It didn’t take much time before he could speak the language of his heart to me, something I understood instantly, like flying comes natural to birds or like honey comes natural to a bee or breathing air comes natural to a baby post-birth. I felt special in his presence, in his description of me, i wasn’t like anyone else, for which i was to be his, “forever”. His feelings were expressive, like antics of an extrovert.

I was a woman of my principles, commitment, promises and security, something a lady’s preferred needs were mine too. He was hesitant to promise me his lifetime but he gave it in to hold my hand “forever” because I carried his heart in my chest and he carried mine. I was taken aback, love-struck, head over heels, he was all I ever wanted to have. Deeper into the darkest corners of my heart, there was a sea-storm of fears, waves carrying question marks were flowing towards seashore of my heart’s periphery, eroding it slowly, leading me to the impending evil.

It was a love that passionate, that maddening, the one poets and philosophers suggest deserve sacrifices, infinity and beyond. He became my home. My safest hideout place, my warmest sanctuary where I found peace after a day-long stress. His frequent fear of separation, strong sense of ownership, his insecurities drew me farther into the depth of his love, i wanted to protect him, save him, nurture him,i knew it was the path few travel, where exit doors are non existent, where only lovers who are willing to stroll fearless are allowed to enter. He knew the extent of my love, our love, and it was all that kept me going, the belief that we are inseparable.

His love for me was my most treasured asset. He changed me into someone he wanted me to become, and then he changed himself into someone I never knew, someone I couldn’t recognize. He built a world with me, for us to live there “forever”, and abandoned me there for the world he preferred for himself. He changed.

A journey to soul

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As the conversation carried on…

It’s easier saying than done, she replied.

They tell you moving on is easy, but moving on is actually one of the most difficult things to do. Getting over someone is a constant state of missing someone to wishing they didn’t exist, to loving them to hating them, to wanting them to never talk to you again to hoping and wishing they’d send you a text. It slowly gets easier as the distance between you two gets greater, but I don’t know if you can truly get over someone you once cared about. They will always have a part of your heart and be a part of who you were and who you are, but I promise one day you’ll realize you deserved to be loved not considered, you deserved to be fought for not given up on, you will see that person was a lesson not a rule.

Remember my friend, I patiently said:

The good that you do will come back to you. Likewise, the wrong things you’ve done in life will have its consequences too. Pain doesn’t go easy. It hurts. But then, you turn to Allah and slowly if not suddenly you start feeling better. So much better. He open doors for you, give you new dreams, take care of you more than anything. You actually start feeling His love that you always heard of; the love of more than seventy mothers.
Then, you have to rely on Allah swt. Trust Him with everything. You have to let go of your past. More importantly, you do not have to repeat the past. Everyone make mistakes. It’s more about how you deal with those mistakes. There are always two ways: To be stagnant and to have courage to accept mistakes, make yourself right and move on. Easier said than done, I know. But you need to force this attitude on yourself to be happy, to grow. Being stuck somewhere in the past is the least attractive thing. Don’t chase the same pattern and do not start disobeying Allah all over again.
This time will pass, even the pain will go; but if you choose to be stagnant, you will regret more than anything. Hurdles come, you will get tired too; of course it all takes time, you can also stop for a while but then get up again and move. Do not make your home in those hurdles -Islam4all

Cry to Allah, make du’a to Him and He will pour patience upon you in ways and in situations that you will be shocked by yourself.

“Go easy on yourself, for the outcome of all affairs is determined by God’s decree. If something is meant to go elsewhere, it will never come your way, but if it’s yours from destiny, from you it can not flee.” – Umar ibn al-Khattab

Have faith. Take a road that leads you to your soul. your true self, free of desires, lust and material cravings. That is where peace lies.

I Am a Woman

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Long ago, in a far away land
Where beauty was abundant and life was eternal
Love was immense, where sorrows were none
I was told of a land
A place where humans rant
Where songs are sung and unity is grand
And life is not only about clouds and spacious sands
It is glorious, with adorable infants and inspirational chants
I traveled a long distance in pursue of my dream
To reach love and beauty of humans unseen
For I was a rain droplet ready to set assail
At my arrival I saw a girl with forlorn face
Alone, looking in an empty space
She was tired and disgusted in a manner untamed
She had nowhere to go, but a long abandoned road
People with busy days, indifferent and in glee
There were many among them, crying to have some love for free
It was a sight full of misery
I was colorless but I could feel myself bleed
I was shattered and despaired
I was no more in world I have long dreamed to see

to my surprise, the girl stood up optimistic and erect, consoled me and said

O, dear droplet
Welcome to my land, I may have been a girl to you
But you see I am in fact a woman made of sand
Dwindling through the dark hours
running tireless errands
I slip through the fingers of tragedy and setbacks
Yet I will take you to the world where only I can give a hand with my super magic wand
I am often subjected to suffer, Ah still I flaunt my success grand

I have power of a mystic, but I prefer not to show
I put smile on my face and among adversity I care to glow
I am a woman Indeed, for I have survived through ages